whats happening?:(

Joined : 16 Jun 2007 Posts : 90 Localisation : yorkshire

hi all,well im in a dilemma
j has ADHD&come along brill since he started his meds
his brother m(7) was always seen as a *good* boy although he has his moments but his behaviour has started to get worse(steadily over 2 years) when he kicks off he kicks off big time over the smallest thing such as being given cocopops instead of shreddies! he shouts,spits,grunts at people,stamps upstairs,hits walls and has kicked part of my wall in!
he throws things such as boots,shoes,pens etc when hes angry
ive spoken to school about this and the were suprised to hear about his behaviour as hes good at school and very bright!
fri was prob the worst day ever,my sister in law came with me to pick up j&m,we got there and m was jumping around the cloakroom,knocking chairs over, his aunty said"oh my m please calm down" to which he shouted "I cant i cant!!
we got home and all hell broke loose,he ws deliberately annoying people,running around,shouting,screaming&being totally off the wall, my brother gave him a good telling off and m thought this was funny,he said"that was funny wen uncle c told me off cos he was spitting in my face" he just laughed about it so my bro took his bike off his as a punishment(fair do;s as they really are supportive to us all) m only went for his uncle with a bloody crow bar!!
he was sent to his room but carried on shouting out of his window&hitting it with his foam baseball bat,this behaviour went on for 3 hours!! i ended up in tears.ive been in touch with family support and they are going to try get me a referal to camhs,m also like to snip things up wether it be leaflets/bobbles/paper/mouse mats!
f/s asked if hes *copying his brother* and I said no,j has really settled down,yet he will be punished if hes naughty,yet any punishment given to mason doesnt register,he does the same thing again! we were going to the shop the other day&had to cross the road m was on his bike and i said"wait,there is a car coming" m rode straight across the road!
he admits he doesnt like to wait for things,one morning i was making brekky&m asked for fresh orange"ok i said hang on one sec while i get the toast out,but he was straight in the drawer for the scissors and snipped all the top off the orange sending it flying,I asked why he didnt just wait 1 sec and he said he didnt know.ive started to sit him in the downstairs loo for his time out as its the only place he cant fiddle with anything,his aunty did the same yest while i was out getting a drier with my brother and m was jumping on the loo seat trying to get out of the window&he snapped the loo seat clean off then said to his aunty"well it wasnt MY fault!" im writing it all down for f/s and will recorded his next outburst to show school!
m sometimes will write things down on paper instead of asking me,even when im sat next to him such as 'when is tea ready? or he spells things out like c,a,n, i h,a,v,e a d,r,i,n,k
i just dont know what to think,im just glad family and friends have witnessed his behaviours, i dont think school believe how bad he is&doubt il get any backing from them
any ideas/advice would be greatly appreciated
lolly xx

Subject: Re: whats happening?:( 7/7/2008, 5:28 pm

This is really difficult hun when our children behave differently in different settings, they will show themselves in their true colours with those who they feel totally comfortable with (their safe haven).

You know ur child and u know what ALL thier quirks are (good & bad) i know T and what makes him angry and whether he shows it to others at the time or not he will most definately tell me, even if its days or weeks later he can very upset about how something was when he was with someone else.

I would have a word with ur HV firstly and discuss ur concerns with her/him, keep a log of what happens and what makes him lose it (all evidence in regards to his profile).

Yes ur son may be bright but like a nurse said to me that does not mean a bright child cannot have any underlying problems! ranting

This aspect of my continuous battle makes so so very angry! wall bash

Good luck hun and do let us know how it goes hugging

_________________
Northern lass born & bred!

Joined : 12 Mar 2007 Posts : 896 Localisation : East Anglia

Bless ya. I agree with what Bambi has said cos all these children show different behaviours at different times. Hopefully he is just copying to get the attention but only time will tell. xx

Joined : 16 Jun 2007 Posts : 90 Localisation : yorkshire

im just at a loss til f/s get in touch again,I would have of put my last penny on m not having ADHD like his brother, but now,im not so convinced..I dont want him to be diagnosed with anything but i need to know if theres *something* so i know what im dealing with and can help him the best i can,I hope he is*copying* his brothers behaviour but I doubt it,how would m know that j started spitting and swearing&showing bizarre behaviour at 6/7,its just like history repeating itself&its making me worry,ive asked m why he is so good at school and the only answer i get is"i dont know but im scared of the teachers" i really think there is something not right,maybe im wrong but im his mum&no matter wot school say,i know him better than them..just at a brick wall at the moment:(
thanks for your help honeyz xx

Joined : 27 Mar 2007 Posts : 808 Localisation : Surrey

It would seem that there IS a problem, but that doesn't mean that it's lifelong or permanent.

Maybe there is something at home that is worrying him? A new person on the scene or a familiar one leaving?

Does HE think that his brother gets more attention from you? Does he think to himself that he'll get more attention if he behaves in a certain way?

Don't worry about the "he's not like it at school" thing. Bambi is spot on with what she says about them being in their comfort zone with us. C's teachers were shocked when they found out how aggressive and violent C is towards me, she shows no behaviour like that at school.

Just write it all down and see if there are any 'triggers' to his outbursts. I found a food diary helped when C was really difficult to cope with, it's incredible how much quieter life became when I stopped letting her eat anything with red food dye in!

Hang on in there. We're here to help you in any way we can. Even if it's just someone to rant at. hugging

Joined : 16 Jun 2007 Posts : 90 Localisation : yorkshire

AWW BLESS YA!! i do know one thing he cant have and thats cherryade lol,ive asked if he thinks i give j more attention&he said"no mummy u treat us the same" and theres nothing at home thats changed as in new person or one leaving etc,this is what baffles me,i could understand if i had a string of boyfriends(i shud be so lucky lol) but ive been on my own since the day i left their dad,ive also had his hearing tested and he passed,he gets frustrated when he forgets to take things to school or cant find clothes etc..who knows..only time will tell,lets just hope its a phase :crosses fingers:
thanks for your support honeyz at least u understand were im coming from!
xx

Joined : 16 Jun 2007 Posts : 90 Localisation : yorkshire

well been told to do a parenting course before fss will help me.told them i did *instructions not included* about behaviour
but told to do another course because it WILL change M .
my support worker came with a mental health nurse to chat to me&m,the nurse said"im not here to judge or criticise"
but thats how i felt even M said he didnt feel comfy talking to her on his own,I explained this&she said"oh thats because he will of been embarrassed about his behaviour&he feels like the naughty boy,if u keep punishing all the time hes going to feel like the naughty boy"
so I said to her"ok,so when hes throwing scissors around do I just ignore it and hope for the best?!!
NO.i will sit him on the stairs or ground him depending how bad his behaviour is!
then she said IM not here to judge you as a parent and I can see he has behavioural problem&is very challenging"then asked me when i noticed it happening,I told her"just b4 he turned 6" she told me"oh then you,ve let your strategies slip&you got 2 years of that to undo now" Charmin! who's not here to judge or crisicise!! censored

Subject: Re: whats happening?:( 23/9/2008, 11:17 am

Wow these people make me sick coz they DO judge us! Try walking a mile in our bloody shoes and see!!! i get so angry and im sorry ur going through this hun hugging

I too was told i need parenting classes but since that the childrens disability nurse and our family support worker have said its not my parenting that is the problem, why do we have to be put through this crap before the real help comes? Sad

_________________
Northern lass born & bred!

Joined : 16 Jun 2007 Posts : 90 Localisation : yorkshire

well.I saw my support worker yest(she's just like me)the *mental health nurse* that said *oooh doo a parenting course*(who leaves her job nxt week!) told my support worker" I think its beyond parenting,especially with the dangerous behaviour,eg jumping from windows and forgetting things"
maybe we should refer to camhs!
so basically she told me im s**t & to do a course but then says to my support worker*its past parenting,there is a behavioural issue"
all I can say is,THANKS FOR NOTHING apart from making me feel like I did,AND IM GLAD YOUR LEAVING! cursing

Joined : 12 Mar 2007 Posts : 896 Localisation : East Anglia

Idiots as usual then these so called professionals! xx

Joined : 16 Jun 2007 Posts : 90 Localisation : yorkshire

had a reply back from the nurse who did the assessment apparently i let m watch tv till 11pm and he shares a bed with his brother because he doesnt have a mattress for his(it hadnt been delivered) and his presentation is due to the fact we have developed unhelpful ways of communicating with each other&faliure to follow recomendations could result in us having a chronic conflictual relationship
charming&also no boundries in place..ermm he triec to post his skateboard thru the window so i tuk it off him..isnt that doing something??? censored

Joined : 16 Jun 2007 Posts : 90 Localisation : yorkshire

good news my f/s worker AND her manager agreed that the*mental health nurse* picked on me as a parent and failed to mention in her letter the positive things we do as a family or the boundries I set also she has seen M for 20 mins but claimed she carried out a FULL mental health assessment.I have been given an address to send my complaint to and also request a 2nd opinion as the *assessment* was unfair&contradictive on both mine &M's part
hope all you hunnys ok
loads love&hugs
lozzy xxx

Joined : 27 Mar 2007 Posts : 808 Localisation : Surrey

yay!

A step in the right direction! clapping

Joined : 16 Jun 2007 Posts : 90 Localisation : yorkshire

sure is,thanks hun..hope everyone ok..had troubles with AOL again.M been refered to early intervention behaviour support.his teacher says hes moody&stroppy&needs more reassurance than other kids in the class&has told m off for swinging on his chair&laying on his desk cos he is bored..yet he has no issues with his behaviour????
told him thats not helping m! told him family support are involved
so if i can see these things m does and his teacher has noticed things,why does he say no issues confused

hugs to all
xxx